Groceries
by KyKy-13
Summary: Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz are stuck with the dreadful chore of doing the week's grocery shopping, but maybe it's not as bad as they think.


"How in the name of Mother did we get stuck grocery shopping this week?" Kadaj grumbled, adjusting the sleeves on his black striped sweater that were far too big for him.

Yazoo flipped back a long gleaming lock of silver hair, skimming over the long list in his delicate hand. "It's our turn, brother. You know the rules. We all get equal shares of the chores. Last week we had dishes duty, this week we have the groceries to buy."

"But I hate grocery shopping!" Kadaj sulked, stamping his foot like a stubborn child. "It takes so long and it's so boring! I'd rather get my teeth pulled. Hell, I'd rather be stuck back at Seventh Heaven babysitting those two brats."

"Because you have so much in common?" Yazoo smirk quickly died away when his little brother gave his long hair a swift tug. "Ow! Hey, what have I said about touching my hair?"

"Well you called me a brat!" Kadaj pointed an accusing finger at him.

Yazoo crossed his arms. "Well, maybe if you stopped acting like one, I wouldn't have to resort to such things."

Kadaj took a threatening step forward, looking up at his older brother who was a good five inches taller than he. He glared up into Yazoo's green cat-slit Mako eyes, voice low and venomous. "Call me a brat again. I dare you. I will take your face, shove it into the lobster tank, and let them snip off all your pretty hair with their claws."

Loz leaned on the handle of the shopping cart, rolling it back and forth playfully. He sighed, "Are you two gonna keep bitching at each other, or are we going to do some shopping?"

"I am not bitching!" Kadaj and Yazoo shouted in unison, making Loz flinch.

"Well, whatever you're doing, cut it out." The huge Remnant frowned. "I want to get this over with so I can go home and play."

Yazoo gave a defeated sigh. "He's right, brother. I apologize for calling you a brat."

"Hmm…yeah, yeah, I'm sorry too." Kadaj mumbled, crossing his arms with a pout. He reached over and snatched the list from Yazoo's hand and looked over it. "Let's get this torture over with."

With Kadaj in lead as always, the three Remnant brothers proceeded to explore the long aisles of the huge Midgar Supermarket. Citizens that hustled and bustled through the aisles pulled their attention away from their own shopping for a second to cast wary glances over at the three silver-haired boys. Kadaj ignored them. He was used to the gawks and stares from strangers. It was a common occurrence in his life.

Kadaj reached into the pocket of his faded jeans and pulled out his music player, placing one of the buds into his ear, leaving the other one free so he could hear his brothers. It was a gift from Cid and Vincent last Christmas. They said loud music was the perfect distraction for a teenage boy. Much to Cloud's delight, they were right. Kadaj loved this little gadget almost as much as he loved Souba. It was the best thing to use when he wanted to shut people up without killing them.

He stopped and started skimming down the list. "Lets see here…we need to get toothpaste, paper towels, milk, eggs, dumbapples, cereal, orange juice, Band-Aids, painkillers…"

"Hmm..." Yazoo cut him off, peering at the list over his shoulder. "You think we should split up? It'll probably get it done faster."

Kadaj shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me. What do you think, Loz?" He looked back and saw no one. "Loz?"

Yazoo frowned, looking around. "Where in Gaia did he go? He was here just a moment ago."

Suddenly, a loud cry of joy echoed through the aisles. Kadaj and Yazoo spun around only to catch a quick glimpse of Loz speeding by the aisle, riding the grocery cart like a sled. They could hear his loud excited laughter even after he was well passed their aisle. Kadaj could still hear it, even though his music was blasting in one ear. Loz was screaming and laughing like a child on a rollercoaster, but those sounds were soon cut off and replaced by sudden and loud crash.

"Loz!" The two Remnants bolted towards the source of the commotion and found Loz and the cart sprawled on the floor, buried underneath a mound of cereal boxes. People around them stared and muttered their disapproval as Kadaj and Yazoo quickly unburied their brother.

"Loz!" Yazoo helped him to his feet. "Are you alright?"

The older Remnant laughed breathlessly, wiping his jeans clean. "Yeah, I'm great. That was so much fun, brothers. You have to try it!"

"I think I'll pass." Yazoo smirked, picking up the cart.

Kadaj laughed, picking up a box and tossing it into the basket. "At least we can cross cereal off our list. Good work, Loz."

Loz beamed proudly. "Thank you. You need me to find anything else?"

"No, no, I think that's good for now, brother." Yazoo chuckled. "Who knows how hurt you'll be if you crash into the cans of soup."

After tidying the mess of cereal, much to Kadaj's distaste, the three brothers took their cart and continued with their shopping. Kadaj would read items off the list and Yazoo and Loz would scatter to find them, practically having a competition over who could get their items into the cart faster.

"Ha! My toothpaste totally got into the cart first!" Loz smiled.

Yazoo frowned, flipping back his hair. "Hmph, I think not. The bottle of aspirin I brought clearly hit the bottom before anything else."

"Nu-uh!" Loz argued.

"Both of you shut up before I tape your lips shut with the Band-Aids!" Kadaj growled. "Now come on, we need to get some dumbapples."

Kadaj led his brothers over to the section of the market overflowing with all sorts of different multi-coloured fruits. A few people were already crowding around the pile of dumbapples, including a young blonde woman whose bosom was so full, it could put even Tifa to shame. The youth was surprised her tiny top could even hold those things up.

"Damn, look at the size of those melons." Kadaj muttered.

"Kadaj!" Yazoo gasped, giving him a swift whack across the back of the head. "Don't say that!"

"What?" The youngest Remnant asked. "I was just talking about those massive cantaloupes over there."

Yazoo crossed his arms. "No you weren't."

"What'ya think I was talking about, brother?" Kadaj smirked, motioning over his shoulder. "That chick's huge knockers? You are perverted, man."

"Kadaj!" Yazoo covered his face with his hands. "Must you say that so loudly?"

Loz really didn't help the situation, for he quickly seized the package of paper towels from the basket and buried his face into it to muffle his hysterical laughter. The young woman seemed to have heard Kadaj's comment, for she shot the three brothers a vicious glare, before walking away with her head held high.

Kadaj smirked, bagging a few dumbapples and tossing them into the cart.

"Must you be so immature, Kadaj?" Yazoo's face was still bright red with embarrassment.

"Give him a break, Yaz." Loz grinned, wiping away a few of his tears from laughter. "He's just a kid."

"Oh, and what's your excuse, Mr. Shopping-Cart-Racer?" Yazoo shot. "You're the oldest!"

"Least I know how to have fun." Loz put his hands on his hips.

"That wasn't fun! That was chaos!" Yazoo argued.

"Oh! Speaking of chaos…" Kadaj cut them off. "Vincent wants me to pick up some fabric softener for him."

Loz raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

"To soften up that blanket-thing he always wears." Kadaj proceeded to walk towards the laundry-aisle.

Yazoo frowned. "I think it's a cloak, Kadaj."

"No, it's a blanket." Kadaj grabbed a large bottle of softener and threw it in the basket. "Why do you think Reno calls him 'Blankie'?"

"To annoy him?" Loz said, sniffing a box of dryer sheets. "It's what he does best."

"Uh…Kadaj." Yazoo frowned, grabbing the bottle of softener the youngest Remnant just threw in the cart. "We can't buy this one. It contains bleach. It'll turn Vincent's cloak pink."

"Really?" Kadaj sniggered. "Sounds pretty amusing."

"It will be, until Chaos gets a hold of you." Yazoo smirked. "You remember last winter when you upset Vincent and Chaos hung you from the roof by your belt? It took Cloud almost an hour to get you down cause he was laughing so hard, and Reno called you a Christmas ornament for over a week."

The silver-haired teen frowned. "Uh…on second thought…" He quickly switched the softener with one not containing bleach.

Loz laughed. "I think Vin's cape is going to be really appreciative, Kadaj. It loves Laundry Day. It's going to be making hearts all week."

"Cid's poor ass." Yazoo laughed with a shake of his head. He took the list and looked at it. "Speaking of which, we need to get some tea."

"Again?!" Loz gaped. "Cid just bought a new box two days ago!"

"You know Cid." Kadaj smiled, pushing the heavy cart through the market. "He goes through tea faster than Cloud goes through anti-depressants."

"Cloud is not on anti-depressants." Yazoo giggled.

"Well he should be." Kadaj said. "The guy acts like he constantly has a raincloud over his head, which probably explains his name."

Loz and Yazoo both laughed as they followed Kadaj towards the aisle containing the teas. There was a wider variety of them than Kadaj thought. Hundreds of multi-coloured boxes lined the shelves, each one with a name weirder than the last. The three brothers stared at them for some time, confused.

"Which one does Cid drink?" Loz asked.

Kadaj shrugged. "Beats me. I've never asked him."

Yazoo stepped forward and started examining each box. "Hmm…you think he'd like Herbal tea?"

Kadaj shook his head. "Nah…sounds too…"mediciney."

"Is that even a word?" Loz raised an eyebrow.

"It is now." Kadaj placed his hands on his lean hips. "Next!"

Yazoo picked up another box of tea. "Oolong?"

"The hell is that?!" Kadaj screwed up his face with confusion.

The long-haired Remnant read the box. "Hmm…says here it's like a beauty tea. Infused with jasmine flowers. Sounds nice."

"For you, maybe." Loz laughed. "Cid isn't into the pretty teas."

Yazoo chuckled. "Hmm…you're right, dear brother." He picked up another box. "How about tangerine and cinnamon?"

"That just sounds nasty." Kadaj grimaced.

"Sheesh." Yazoo rolled his eyes. "Picky. Picky. Picky." He grabbed another box of tea and examined it. "Alright, here's a normal sounding one. Earl ShinRa. That good?"

"Is it gonna taste like Rufus?" Loz asked.

Yazoo and Kadaj both burst out laughing, causing a few passers-by to stare.

"Oh…my…God!" Yazoo giggled hysterically, practically keeling over. "Loz, that was the best thing I've ever heard."

"It was?" Loz looked more confused than ever.

"That's it! That's the one!" Kadaj laughed, holding onto the cart to keep himself from toppling over. "We're buying that one. I don't care. If Cid doesn't like it, I'm sending that to ShinRa as a Christmas gift!"

Yazoo sniggered, tossing the tea into the cart. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. "Oh my…that was something we need to tell everyone when we get home."

Loz tilted his head. "Did I really say something that funny?"

"Oh yeah, brother." Kadaj grinned, patting his back. "That was pure genius."

Loz beamed, apparently loving that he had said something funny and clever enough to please his brothers. "Thanks."

Kadaj took the list and looked it over. "Alright…we've got practically all of it done. Just one more item for Tifa. Its…" his eyes widened. "Whoa now!"

"What it is, brother?" Yazoo leaned in to read. His face went red. "Oh, you have got to be joking!"

Loz blinked. "What? What is it?"

Kadaj shuddered. "She wants us to get…ugh…tampons."

The eldest Remnant just stood there silently. "…so?"

"So?" Yazoo frowned. "Loz, do you even know what a tampon is?"

Loz shrugged. "No, but if you can buy it in a grocery store, it's really can't be bad, can it?"

Kadaj and Yazoo exchanged looks.

"Hmm…alright, Loz. If you say so." Yazoo seemed to not want to taint Loz's innocence with the real definition of a tampon, so he kept his mouth shut and headed towards the feminine products.

"Dear Mother, this is so wrong." Kadaj muttered, trying to preoccupy his scarred mind with the music blasting in his ear.

When they reached the aisle, Yazoo immediately seized the first box he saw and threw it into the cart as though it was made of fire. Loz frowned, picking up the purple flower-covered box.

"What's the big deal, anyways?" He asked, opening the box.

"Loz!" Kadaj's eyes widened. "Don't touch those!"

The eldest Remnant reached his hand in and pulled out the product inside. He giggled, examining it. "This is what you guys are so freaked out about? Funny little white bullets?"

Yazoo's face went beat red, seizing the feminine item and shoving it back inside the box. "Loz! Please!"

"What?" Loz shrugged. "They look perfectly harmless to me. Well, unless you shove 'em inside a gun."

"Oh you shove them in something, but it ain't a gun." Kadaj snickered.

Yazoo elbowed him. "Shush!"

"What does Tifa need them for, anyways?" Loz asked, rolling the cart towards the check-out.

"Hell if I know, man." Kadaj lied, crumpling up the finished shopping list and tossing it into the nearest bin.

As Loz began to pile all the items onto the counter, Yazoo pulled out his wallet from his back pocket. It was cramped with Gils given to them by Cloud to help pay for the groceries, since neither of the brothers had jobs to make their own money. He looked up at Kadaj, who was busy flipping through a few magazines.

"There, Kadaj. We're all done." Yazoo smiled. "This wasn't so bad, now was it?"

The youngest Remnant chuckled, flipping the page. "I'm asking Cloud if we can do this every week. Next time, I get dibs on the shopping-cart-sled."


End file.
